On occasion, I come across those links that tell you “9 steps for being in touch with your inner self” or “132 steps to being a good husband,” and so on. I will admit that I have indeed read my fair share of these “helpful” steps, but they usually leave me wanting something a bit more authentic.
Perhaps it is just me, but I appreciate and prefer to hear about failures. I would much rather listen to someone tell me how they are failing to do something than to put on the pretense of instant and continual success. I most certainly do not and have not experienced instant and continual success in just about anything I have ever done. Success not only flirts with but also spends a good amount of time with failure. We fall, and we get back up and walk forward where we then fall again, and we get back up again and go for it again and so on. All I am saying is that I do not think there is a magical formula for succeeding. No simple 7 steps to becoming a good Dad here. Rather, it’s more like 15 to the power of infinity in terms of steps.
That’s how it has been for me, at least. I love my boy, and I will soon have another child join the mix, and I can clearly and with absolute authority say that I have no idea what I am doing. And that is ok. Why? Because I desire to be a good father, and my heart’s posture is that of leaning forward. My son is almost 2 years old, and at that time, I have come to experience a love that is entirely new to me. I truly love my boy, and I want nothing but the best for him. However, the fact of wanting that for him does not stop me from being who I am. That takes a lot of work and some (more like all of it) divine intervention. It does, however, make me want to be better.
I think being a good Dad is something that you grow into. It is something that you strive towards every day. When he screams next to my ear for absolutely no reason, and I choose not to explode, that is me pushing against myself to love him better. It’s when he tells me “no” every single time I say anything or when he has a meltdown when I pick anything up because it belongs to him (or so he thinks). It’s easy to love him when he is obedient or when he says please and thank you or when he acknowledges my authority. All that is easy! But, loving him when he does the opposite, that’s when it becomes real. That’s when I find myself thinking, “WHICH STEP DO I USE SO I DON’T GET ARRESTED!”
My son has shown me so much about myself; it’s scary. He truly is helping me become a better Dad every day and a better person. A definite glimmer would be gone if he were not here. I love my boy, and I need to remember that he loves me.
So, step 1 of many is fairly simple and easy to remember: “Being a good Dad is something that you become. You don’t just know how to do it.”