As I watched my son standing in front of me once again, telling me why he failed to communicate that he needed help going “potty,” I felt within myself the rising urge to overreact. Before you deem me the worst parent of the year and feel the need to tell me your perfect version of parenting, hear me out.
My son is three yours old, and as such, he is at that marvelous age where he gets to experience the wondrous and joyous experience known as “going potty.” I admit this may only be a male fascination, no doubt due to our inordinate preoccupation with the sounds of the human body. Still, it has its benefits. Benefits that, for my son, would open up new doors and opportunities. The most notable of these at present being the advancement in his Sunday school class. His friends have started to move on to the next class, and he would like to follow suit. But, until he becomes potty trained, he will be staying put.
I know this and understand the need for him to get into the habit of communicating with my wife and me whenever the need was to hit him. He does not yet understand our constant encouragement and instructions regarding said accomplishment. This, of course, is no huge problem as he is, in the end, still only three years old. His world is entirely made up of sleeping, eating, watching Daniel Tiger, playing, watching Daniel Tiger, eating, watching Daniel Tiger, playing, eating treats, pretending to take napes and playing, more Daniel Tiger, eating and sleeping.
I do not believe that there is anything bad about his world as he sees it. Every day, he is learning what life is about, and soon the day will come when he begins to think more and more about what lies outside of himself. In the meantime, though, although he does not have an extensive picture of the world, I most certainly do. So, therein lies my predicament: how do I, as a parent, encourage my three-year-old son, who is rightfully caught up in his world, to tell me when his diaper is filled with poop because it will help his world get bigger?
I most certainly was not trying to solve my problem as I watched him standing in front of me, looking very sheepish, attempting his best to remain oblivious to the very ominous and deathly smell hovering about him. And truth be told, I was not doing an excellent job of remaining loving and gentle. Still, I did not say anything stupid. And that is no small feat!
But, in a moment of clarity, I looked at my son and said, ‘Until you learn to communicate when you need help, there will be a lot out there you cannot yet have.’ As the words left my mouth, I felt the very finger of God press down on my heart, as if He Himself were saying those words to me. It was the first time since becoming a father that I felt like I could see the relationship between my son and me and that of God and me.
I walk around with poop in my diaper all the time and refuse to ask for help. I think my Father will be upset and therefore am afraid. I think it is no big deal to walk around with poop in my diaper. Look, I can still play and have fun. All I have to do is pretend that there is no smell, and all is well. But, the absolute fact remains that my Heavenly Father has the absolute best picture of the world, and He knows what is out there for me and what He wants me to be apart of. He also knows that having poop in my diaper will not allow me to experience what He sees and knows.
Having poop in your diaper is not healthy. Whatever your issue, it remains an issue. It would be best if you dealt with it. I have found that the best way to do that is to ask for help. I do not expect my son to change his own diaper or that he will go and clean himself when he does have an accident. Nor do I expect him to never use his diaper for what it is designed.
I want my son to realize that regardless of what he is doing, he not only can but needs to come and ask me for help when he needs it. Be that for big things or something as simple as a poopy diaper. My problem is that I decide what poop is and what is not. The danger there is I end up stinking, and everyone around me can smell it when I cannot.
As I sat there in front of my son, I felt my heart soften towards him as I felt God’s heart towards me. I love my son because he is my son. My love for him is not tied to him being potty trained or even doing all the right things. I love him because he is, period.
Don’t let a dirty diaper come between you and what God has for you. It is alright to go to Him and to tell Him you need help. It is alright to go to Him and tell Him you are dirty. In fact, if you listen carefully, you will actually hear Him delighting in it.