A big question in life for me and I think many others is, “How should I live my life?” Francis Schaeffer asked the question this way and redirected it to everyone: “How Should We Then We Live?” It is an important question and one that deserves our attention. However, saying that it is an important question does not make it any easier to answer or wrestle with. It is a question that is rarely answered quickly, and depending on whom you ask; you will get a lot of varying answers.
I do believe, though, that we all want the answer. Be it that we want someone else to tell us the answer or that we want to find it for ourselves. Regardless of what or whom, you believe in, you want to know what your life should look like. We want to know this because, intuitively, we all know that a life without purpose is no life at all. No matter how inconsequential our satisfaction is in whatever myriad of purposes we pursue, we want to know that it is the right thing to do.
For a lot of us, we know how it makes us feel. I feel good doing this; therefore, it must be good for me. That makes me feel good, so I am going to do more of that. Our feelings drive and direct our lives. The danger here, of course, is that our feelings change, don’t they? Up one day and down another. Our mood can be all over the place.
Dickens said it this way, “What evidence would you have of my reality beyond that of your senses?” “I don’t know,” said Scrooge. “Why do you doubt your senses?’’ “Because,” said Scrooge, “a little thing affects them. A slight disorder of the stomach makes them cheats. You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato. There’s more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!’’ – A Christmas Carol
Scrooge was staring at the ghost of his dead former business partner, and he was still unsure. Making decisions on feelings alone is not enough.
Some of us know what is right for us to do based on what others tell us. We have the same hunger for meaning and purpose as everyone else; we simply get it from others. This can be equally dangerous in that people change. Humanity is not unchanging. We are not as secure and steadfast in our own convictions as we would like to believe. People change, and with that, what they say changes.
And then there are those of us that know what is right to do based upon our faith. We believe that God is very much involved in our lives and fully knows what we should be doing. If you believe that God is all-powerful, unchaining, infinite, sovereign, omniscient, and holy, it is easy to trust Him and have peace about how it is you are supposed to live. If, however you do not believe this about God, then you have a problem. He is just another “person” at this point with some more smart ideas.
The question remains then, “How should I live my life?” Ultimately there is only one way that results in true happiness and purpose. I know which way that is, and if you ask me directly, I will tell you. Till then, I thought it prudent to write down some practical steps for sensible living. This came to me as I was digesting some sweet wonder a while back. Hopefully, it was not an “underdone” sweet something.
What does it mean to live life sensibly? Sensible is defined as “(of a statement or course of action) chosen in accordance with wisdom or prudence; likely to be of benefit; (of a person) possessing or displaying prudence; (of an object) practical and functional rather than decorative; readily perceived; appreciable; able to notice or appreciate; not unaware of.” Sensible living then is, “Living our lives in such a way that applies wisdom in a beneficial way to both ourselves and those around us.”
Again, being able to say that and point it out does not make it so in our lives. We have to go and do the hard work. We have to make sensible decisions. Here then follows some practical steps for sensible living.
1. Be Kind
Kindness is something that is very easily overlooked and quite often seen as a weakness. Kindness is most definitely not a weakness. In fact, it takes strength to be kind. Oh, anyone can be kind and nice when everything is going great and no disasters in your life. That is not what I am talking about. I am talking about being kind when the other person is not being kind. I am talking about showing kindness when the situation does not call for it. The strange thing with kindness is that we don’t often feel like being kind because we think we are justified in our response. You are wrong and what you did is wrong, so I don’t have to be kind! That is what we think. Oddly enough, though, when the tables are turned, and we are the offender, all we want is kindness. We secretly wish and hope for mercy, acceptance, and someone to tell us that it will be alright.
Kindness is not easy. It is by no means cheap and does not come naturally. It is a quality that we all have to work on to do better. Choose to be kind to those around you, and you might be surprised about what it adds to your life.
2. Do Something For Someone Else Once A Day
Almost every decision we make every day is about us. I am not trying to say that it is wrong or selfish; it merely is. We make decisions about our lives and the things involving our lives. We then act upon that. This is life. But it does not have to be all there is. Try and make one conscious decision every day to do something for someone. By doing this, you are forcing yourself to take others into account. You are forcing yourself to look outside of yourself. If you are already doing this, you know the pleasure there is to help and bless others. Doing something nice for someone else is almost addictive. You want to be careful that you are not doing it for the high or the praise but purely because you want to help them. Until you learn to do something for someone else that does not add one thing to your life, you will not grow.
It does not have to be big or costly. It just needs to be for them and their benefit. Act and live as if you’re not really living unless you are blessing others.
3. Practice Honesty and Transparency
This is very hard to do. There is the potential for a high reward and the risk of huge rejection. When we choose to be honest and transparent with our lives, then people around us have a chance to see us for who we really are. It’s as if we clean the windows into our hearts, and someone can see, unhindered and freely, inside. Of course, that is only a good thing if what they can see is actually worth looking at. Would it be wrong to assume that not all of us would want people to look there? You would be right in saying yes.
That is where living an honest and transparent life comes in. By practicing honesty and transparency, we do a sort of “spring cleaning” to our hearts. Dust and filth only really have a chance of accumulating and growing when pretense says there is none. However, admit that there is filth, and you are well on your way to having a clean house. We force ourselves to deal with the filth in our lives by being honest and transparent with those around us.
Live a life that is open before others, and you will be able to stand before them unfettered by the demons that so love to hold us down.
4. Befriend Patience
A patient man has already won a huge battle in his life. Impatience lives to steal life from us. It never rests and is never satisfied. This is very hard to do, especially in today’s age of “instant everything.” There literally is nothing that we have to wait for now, and if you are unfortunate enough to come across something where you need to wait, then there is another fellow that will promise you a different way where you don’t need to wait. Why is patience such a bad thing? Name one person that enjoys being around someone impatient? Do you enjoy being around an impatient toddler? No! In fact, that might be what Hell is like: a bunch of impatient toddlers all asking you for the same thing that you do not have, forever.
It is interesting how easily we can become impatient and yet how irritating it is working with someone else that is impatient towards us. Practice being patient! I say practice because that is exactly how you become more patient. You don’t just decide to be patient. You don’t take a patient pill or go for some special counseling. You become patient by choosing to be patient every day. Patience is attractive to those around us. It’s as if it tells us that there is someone that will accept me with my impatience. Patience will allow you to see so much more of the world. It will be as if you just arrived in a new land that you have never seen before. That is what impatience does. It distorts all and deceives you into making decisions that you would not make otherwise.
5. Cherish Life (stop to smell the roses)
Stopping to smell the roses might be the worst analogy ever! I have never seen anyone, not one single person, stop to smell roses. Granted, that might be because I am uncultured and lack an eye for something or other. Regardless of how much I don’t think it is a good analogy, I think it conveys a fundamental idea. The idea that we need to slow down actually to enjoy the life that we are living is vitally important. We are going at a hundred miles a minute where the mere notion of slowing down or taking time off is frowned upon. It really is quite ridiculous what we will do out of fear of what others might say or think. I do not want to live my life that way because I do not call that living. That’s cherishing money, acknowledgment, advancement, pride, self-interest, and the goals of others who do not care as much about you as you would like to believe.
I want to cherish life. I want to live life in every breath and enjoy the beauty that is around me: my family, friends, family, nature, etc. You need to force yourself to slow down. This is most definitely not easy. In one way, you are going against our culture’s very fabric where speeding up is valued.
Despite what I said earlier, I love the “idea” of stopping to smell the roses. Were I to see a man or woman doing this, I would stop to watch them. I would think to myself, “Now there is someone that has something that I want. There is someone that at that very moment is at peace.” Stopping to smell the roses signifies just that: peace in one’s heart.
6. Never Stop Growing
This is true for me every time I go to my favorite Asian Buffet. Regardless of what my intent is, when I go in there, I am growing! It really is quite easy. You go to the food stations, load your plate up, go back to your booth, and eat. You then, with no small amount of modesty, repeat. If only it were that easy to grow in life. To grow mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc., is very hard! It can be downright impossible at times. Unlike my visit to an Asian Buffet, growing in all the ways that actually matter takes a lot of hard work. But, don’t let that four-letter word scare you. It is good that it is hard for us to attain. It shows the value of what we are attempting to add to our lives.
This begins with a decision, or a vow, if you will. You must decide to want to grow. That is because it is difficult, and a mere passing fancy will not be enough to carry you when you start to feel discouraged. Never become satisfied with where you are in your life at the moment. Remember that you are not all you think you are and that there is still a myriad of things that you can grow in and become a better person in. Now that does not mean that it will happen faster merely because you want it either. You will grow at the pace that life sets you. Choose to grow with it regardless of the season.
Those around us that decide never to stop growing are wonderful and inspiring people. They are the kind of person that creates beauty in their lives and helps others find it in theirs.
7. Read, A Lot
This one is straightforward and easy to understand. Understanding it with ease, though, does not take the cellphone out of your hand. Nor does it turn off the T.V. when you don’t. We have a competition going on for our mental time and abilities. Due to the vast amount of information that we now have available to us at our fingertips, it is becoming increasingly harder to sit down and read. And when I say read, I mean read. Not skimming websites and browsing headlines while our mind is lit up with colors and flashing graphics. I am not saying that is bad, merely that we have lost the discipline of sitting down and reading. Or perhaps, we have not been giving the chance to develop the discipline in the first place.
However, the truth remains that there is a wealth of knowledge to be found in reading books. The time that you spend reading a good book is by no means wasted. In fact, there really are no negatives to developing this discipline in your life. There are only positive outcomes for you to enjoy. No employer is going to frown upon a well-read employee. It can only help you. Attempt to read at least one book a month. If that is not doable, then read one every two months.
There is a treasure waiting to be found in those pages if you will but turn the page and take a look.
8. Do Not Neglect Your Duty
Responsibility is another word that a lot of people do not like. It really is a shame because when responsibility is both exercised and enjoyed properly, everyone wins. If you are responsible for what has been given to you, be that talent, gifts, or tasks, then not only will you benefit from it but also those around you. We do not live in a vacuum where our decisions affect only ourselves. Go and ask any father, mother, sibling, child, husband, or wife, and they will tell you that unfulfilled duty is a lack of love.
By fulfilling our duty to those around us, we show them that not only do they matter to us but that we are willing to sacrifice a little for their benefit. This is the kind of lifestyle that encourages people. This is the kind of lifestyle that people see before they hear about it. This is the kind of lifestyle that has the power to change society and culture.
Everyone else takes your responsibilities and duties seriously; you should also.
9. Sacrifice For Your Family
Family is everything! Any person that tells you otherwise has no idea of what a family really is. If you are the head of the house, then this piece is more for you than anyone else. If you are not the head, you should still read this, though. Life is unpredictable, and you never know when you will be called upon to be that person.
As the head of the family, it is your responsibility to make sure that they are well cared for and provided for. Please do not misinterpret that to mean that you are a failure unless you make a lot of money. That is not what I am saying. Providing for your family is about more than just money. Money is important, of course. You need money to pay the bills, fix the car, put food on the table, and buy medicine. There is no way around that. And sometimes, it falls on one person to make certain sacrifices so that the family is provided for. Perhaps that is working two jobs and functioning on very little sleep for a season. Perhaps it’s doing a job that you absolutely hate. Perhaps it’s staying up late when everyone else is sleeping so you can finish a degree that will help them.
Whatever it may be, as the head of the house, it is your responsibility to take care of your family and to do what is necessary to that end. Breaking the law is not helping your family. Being irresponsible is not helping your family. Making them pay for something that you did is not helping them nor setting them a good example. I am not trying to make this feel like a heavy and depressing task that has to be completed. It goes much deeper than that. It is a desire that flows from the heart. It is, in fact, a joy to sacrifice for one’s family!
10. Live In The Here and Now
A lot of us are preoccupied with what is to come. We are always looking to the future, hoping that it would come faster and wishing to change the present. Oddly enough, when the future that we so desperately desires becomes the present, then we still spend our energy wishing that it would change. We are so very easily left unsatisfied with the life that we have been given. By succumbing to those feelings, we rob ourselves of our present lives. That is truly a very stupid thing to do. We can only get to our futures by going through the present, and if we neglect life now, we will not be ready for it later.
Learn to appreciate life here and now. You might find yourself in a terrible situation where there is no enjoyment or fulfillment to be found. We would probably all wish for that to be over quickly! But we would be wrong to do so. Of course, I am not talking about a situation where there is abuse or any physical danger. If you are in a situation like that, then you need to get out!
I am trying to say that life is full of beauty, and it can be found all around us. Life is full of wonderful experiences, if we will but embrace them as they come. Wishing for the future to come quickly is a foolish use of your time. That is how a child thinks—we have not even begun to speak about our pasts yet. I would venture to say that more people are stuck in their pasts than they live in their present or future. The same applies to our past. Our past, present, and future all have a role to play.
Live your life in the here and now, remembering where you have been while keeping an eye on where you are going.